Isn't it strange, don't you agree
The way that the filks have popped up
Throughout AFP?
Send in the trolls
Isn't it bliss, ain't it the most
How tunefully flames are applied
To turn trolls to toast
Where are the trolls
Send in the trolls
Just when I'd stopped messing around
Finally thinking I'd grow up and just settle down
Putting my filking aside to be adult and grey
Along came these threads, I got carried away
Please understand
I tried to refrain
I thought that you'd had enough now,
But I'm filking again
So where are the trolls
There ought to be trolls
Quick send in the trolls
What a delight!
It's always such fun
Writing some silly rhymes quickly
And getting it done
But why only now when the
Trolls are all drifting away?
What a surprise...
What a cliché...
Isn't it rich, it's trying but true
Losing my timing so badly
Oh, What shall I do?
And where are the trolls
Quick send in the trolls
Don't bother, I'm through
Creatures of the Net
Tune: Toucha-Toucha-Touch me From "Rocky Horror"
Newbie:
I was feeling done in, ... couldn't win
I'd only ever lurked before.
Carol: You mean she...
ppint: uh, huh
Newbie:
I was not prepa-ared,
I was shy and sca-ared
Until I found the FAQ
Then I da-ared.
Now all I want to know is how to go.
I've got the taste and I want more. (More, more, more.)
I'll tag without resistance. I want to stay the distance
I've got some things to say. I need persitance.
Listen listen listen to me
I'm joining afp
Shame me, blame me, or flame me
Creatures of the net.
Then if this thread grows, while you prose,
I'll follow up and cascade down. (Down, down, down.)
I'll discuss cheese or chocolate, I do believe I've got it
I know what Merkins are, I have bread products
Listen listen listen to me
I'm joining afp
Shame me, blame me, or flame me
Creatures of the net.
Carol: Listen listen listen to her
ppint: She WILL be an afp'er
Carol: Shame her, blame her, or flame her
ppint: Creatures of the net.
Newbie:
Listen listen listen to me
I'm joining afp
Shame me, blame me, or flame me
Creatures of the net.
Rocky: Creatures of the net
Gid: Creatures of the net?
Suzi: Creatures of the net.
Stewart: Creatures of the net.
Antti: Creatures of the net.
Carol: Creatures of the net.
Rocky: Creatures of the net.
Newbie: Creatures of the net.
Je Ne Regrette Rien
Tune:
same title, performed by Edith Piaf
Remember to sing this in a French accent.....
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni les jeux qu'on a fait, ni les choux
Ils ne m'inquiètent du tout
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
C'est passé, terminé, oublié
Pas plus CCDE
J'ai pas souvenirs
J'ai pas des photos
Les masquerades, les plaisirs
Je n'ai pas besoin d'eux
Oubliés toutes vos filks
Avec leurs trémolos
Oubliés pour toujours
Ils ne sont plus zéro
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni les jeux qu'on a fait, ni les choux
Ils ne m'inquiètent du tout
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Pour mes rêves
Et mes espoirs
C'est Millenicon
Peut-être pour moi...
And the translation:
No, I don't give a damn
I have no regrets can't you see
Cabbage duels, silly games, meta comps
They mean nothing to me
No, I don't give a stuff
I don't begrudge you your fun
In the end, though you gloat, it means nowt
It's all over and done
You can keep all your pics
Indeed why should I care?
Though I'm sure it was great
Well I just wasn't there
Forget all your filks
Though they're clever indeed
If you don't know the jokes
Then they're no fun to read
No, I don't give a damn
I have no regrets can't you see
Cabbage duels, silly games, meta comps
They mean nothing to me
No, I don't really care
My turn, I'm sure it will come
I have dreams
I'll try not to mope
It's Millenicon soon
And I'll be there - I hope
Ok, so it's a loose translation - but it gets the idea across :)
My Favourite
Things
Tune:
same title, from The Sound of Music
Willkommen
Tune: Same name, From Cabaret
Joy Green:
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!
Fremde, Etranger, newbie.
Glucklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,
Happy to see you, bliebe, reste, stay.
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome.
Im afp, au afp,
Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Guten Abend, bon soir, good evening!
Wie geht's? Comment ca va? Do you feel good?
(yeah, I bet you do)
Wir sind euer freunde; nous sommes vos amis
We are your friends!
Und sagen
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im afp, au afp, to afp.
Leave your troubles outside!
So--life is disappointing? Forget it!
We have no troubles here! Here life is beautiful...
The wit is beautiful...
Even the old farts are beautiful!
You see? I told you the old farts were beautiful.
And now presenting some afp folk!
AfPhantom! (He is so called because of the fact we rarely see him.)
Livi! (Oh you like Livi? Well too bad! So does AfPhantom.)
Peter! (Peter has a reputation, the reputation has a life. So does Peter these days)
Nattie! (Yes, Nattie is from America! But, she's a very cunning linguist!)
Dog! (Oh, Dog would you stop that! Already this week we have lost two newbies, a schoolboy and
three irritating trolls, like this.)
And Miss Kate! (Miss Kate is the baby. We're like parents to her. So when she's bad we spank her.
And she is very, very, very, very, very, very bad)
AfPhantom, Livi, Peter, Nattie, Dog... und Miss Kate.
Each and every one a genius! You don't believe me?
Well, don't take my word for it. Go ahead--read......Peter!
Afp folk:
Wir sagen
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im afp, au afp, to afp.
JG:
We are here to amuse you!
And now presenting more afp types:
Here they are!
Gid! Suzi!
Or is it...
Suzi! and Gid...
You know there's only really one way to tell the difference...
I'll show you later.
Mole (Oh Mole, dear, go easy on the filking!),
Ben (You know the funniest thing about Ben? There's nothing funny about Ben!),
And finally, the toast of Melbourne, Fraulein Trina Rule!
Trina:
Hello, darlings!
All:
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
(JG: That's Suzi.)
Im afp, au afp, to afp.
Wir sagen
(Whisper)
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!
Fremde, Etranger, newbie.
(JG: Hello newbie)
Glucklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,
(JG: Enchante Madame.)
Happy to see you,
Bliebe, reste, stay.
Wir sagen
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!
Fremde, Etranger, newbie.
Glucklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,
Happy to see you,
Bliebe, reste, stay.
Wir sagen
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im afp, au afp, to afp.
JG:
Thank you!
Gid, Suzi, Mole, Ben, Afphantom, Livi, Peter,
Nattie, Dog, Miss Kate, Trina, and Me!
Welcome to alt.fan.pratchett!!
Phantom
Tune: Still crazy after all these years by The Eagles
I saw an old poster on the group last night
He seemed to still be with it, I just smiled
And he posted something funny and it even mentioned beer
Still crazy after all these years, still crazy after all these years
I'm not the kind of girl who tends to socialize
I seem to lean on old familiar ways
And I like to hear some signal midst the noise that's in my ears
Still crazy after all these years, still crazy after all these years
Four in the morning, I'm tapping up and yawning, netting my life away
I never worry, why should I, oh yeah, it's all gonna fade
Now I sit by my PC and I watch the hours roll by
I fear I'll do some flaming one fine day
But I would not be convicted by a jury of my peers
Still crazy after all these years
Still crazy, still crazy, still crazy after all these years
Folsom
Poster Blues
Tune
--Folsom Prison Blues
(any basic blues style will do though)
I see the newbies comin'; clue goes rollin out the door,
And I ain't hardly seen a decent flame since Colm's days of yore.
And we're stuck with Folsom postings 'bout how we're mean and cruel
Those [M] threads keep on rollin' out, whinin' driv'lin' drool.
When I was just a baby, my mama told me, "Child
Always be good and patient; don't let your pen run wild."
But now I wanna get the flame out, just to watch them twist and scream
When I see [M] upon a post I drift into vicious dreams.
I bet there's glad folk somewhere don't care 'bout AFP
They're prob'ly drinkin' coffee now with careless, idle glee,
I know newbies will keep comin', yeah, I know we can't be free,
But they just go right on moanin', and that's what tortures me.
Well, if they'd try to lurk a little, if they'd read a FAQ or two,
I bet they'd fit right in here, it's all they'd have to do
But if they act like Folsom, patronise and call us rude,
I prophesy a barbecue with newbie-meat as food.
Now I know we ain't all fluffy, and it's sure we can be harsh
With the clueless or the careless, but in time the sting will pass
It ain't just *any* newbie but the naff ones we abuse,
So, lets see an end to whinin' and the Folsom poster blues.
A Poem for Elton (A hum of Joy)
With apologies to A.A. Milne
There was a Con which fans (like you)
Were keen on when it first was planned
Millenicon and shrimp and hand
'Twas called (although I'm sure you knew)
But something would not do.
For lo! the rooms were underbooked
This saddened our committee's hearts;
And things looks dreadful in all parts-
All fun was cancelled so it looked -
It seemed our goose was cooked.
Then Elton (ELTON) bravely said
"Courage!" he said. "There's always hope.
I think there is a way to cope".
And though the Con itself is dead
*Something * should go ahead
And while Afpers remonstrate
While everyone says "Woe!" and "Drat!"
"I really wanted to go to that"
Elton turns his efforts great
A solution to create
O gallant Elton (ELTON)! Ho!
Does Elton tremble? Does he blinch?
No, No, he struggles inch by inch
Through problems many, but we know
CCDE will go!
He toiled and toiled, and then he stood
And shouted, "Hear, for I can tell
The field is found and all is well!"
The others heard and found it good
And smiled, as so they should.
"Help-help and Rescue!" Elton cried
And showed us all wherein to go.
Sing ho! for Elton (ELTON) ho
And July, in tents, by hot sun fried
Happy Afpers will reside!
Sing ho! for Elton, ho!
Ho!
When We Went Off to Clarecraft
Tune Day Trip to Bangor, by Fiddler's Dram
Didn't we have a loverly time,
When we went off to Clarecraft
The weather was fine, didn't rain - all the time
And tickets were only 5 quid you know
Even camping was fun, with hugs by the ton
And the bar served some really fine cider
Filking a few of our favourite songs
And the days went by
Do you recall the thrill of it all
As we marvelled at Barry's arse-nal
And later on Afpmad sang some songs
(A little more complex than 'boom-ta-ra-rah')
Whose Disc? was hell, Gid and Eric sang well
Doc and Dog were an absolute wonder
Then we all had a drink, and we slept some - I think
And the night went by
Didn't we have a loverly time,
When we went off to Clarecraft
The weather was fine, didn't rain - all the time
And tickets were only 5 quid you know
Even camping was fun, with hugs by the ton
And the bar served some really fine cider
Filking a few of our favourite songs
And the days went by
Wasn't it fine sipping fruity red wine
Dipping strawberries into Nutella?
Some small plastic moles got out of control
But Peter took the blame for that
We watched folk parade, dressed to masquerade
And everyone looked quite stunning
Then Ali and me had a whiskey or three
And the night went by
Didn't we have a loverly time,
When we went off to Clarecraft
The weather was fine, didn't rain - all the time
And tickets were only 5 quid you know
Even camping was fun, with hugs by the ton
And the bar served some really fine cider
Filking a few of our favourite songs
And the days went by
Sunday dawned bright, though some stayed up all night
And everyone got a bit sunburned
People drifted away, with a sigh they would say
Oh, isn't it a shame to go?
Wouldn't it be grand to have cash on demand
And to live like this all summer?
I wanted to cry as I said my goodbyes
But the day went by
Didn't we have a loverly time,
When we went off to Clarecraft
So our thanks are due to all of the crew
Who made the whole thing so amazing
And though it's gone, the memories go on
As I pick the grass out of my backpack
Rememb'ring a time full of laughter and friends
As the days go by
T. PRATCHETT SLEEPS TONIGHT
Tune: The Lion Sleeps Tonight
aweemaweh aweemaweh aweemaweh aweemaweh
aweemaweh aweemaweh
ah-oooumumaway
Up in first class, in roomy first class
T Pratchett sleeps tonight
It's day four now, another tour now
But Pratchett sleeps tonight
aweemaweh aweemaweh aweemaweh aweemaweh
aweemaweh aweemaweh
ah-oooumumaway
At the bookshop, the Auckland bookshop
The staff won't sleep tonight
Shelves are jam-packed, the latest hardback
Is three books deep tonight
aweemaweh aweemaweh aweemaweh aweemaweh
aweemaweh aweemaweh
ah-oooumumaway
In the morning, queues will be forming
But Pratchett sleeps tonight
Fans all lining, another signing
He needs his sleep tonight
aweemaweh aweemaweh aweemaweh aweemaweh
aweemaweh aweemaweh
ah-oooumumaway
Happy
Birthday AFP - 10th Anniversary Filk
Tune: Those were the days, as performed by Mary Hopkin.
Once upon a time there was a newsgroup
Where we used to while away the hours -
Annotations, bread-threads and proposals
All signed with ASCII hedgehogs, codes or flowers.
Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd cast the books forever and a day.
With James Earl Jones as Death
Mentioned in every breath
For this was new and we were not blase.
Then the tides of time and man rushed by us
And gradually new notions had their day
Meets, conventions, cheese wars - and a T*mpl*,
And twisted, bitter old farts slipped away.
Those were the days, my friend
It was beginning's end
When schisms birthed the Drum and ABP
But though some friends moved on
The group still chugged along
As ever was, and ever yet may be
And thus we saw a change of incarnation
Nothing seemed the way it used to be,
Casting changed to filking and Debarcles
We sadly waved farewell to Terry P.
Then one dark day, an end
We lost a much loved friend
Tears took the place of laughter for a while
But as we shared our thoughts
We found strength and support
To not forget, but look back with a smile
And now a post will prompt familiar laughter
Though marriage might have changed the poster's name.
For marriages we've had - and even children,
But still, the group's essentially the same...
These are the days, my friend
Things change, but never end
As we evolve who knows what we will see?
So raise a glass, and cheers
To this, the first ten years
And many more, so long live AFP!